Many people get nervous when traveling. The feeling of impending doom starts to bubble up, and images of lost bags, missed connections, and crashed planes start lodging in one's mind. Fear not, though, there are solutions for those of us shaking in our seats. There are an array of substances that can cradle us through our journey. In recent years, the rise of THC edibles have grown in popularity. Many people opt to take them before they take off but this poses risks: taking too much can make all of your problems worse. But there still remains the classic, tried and true method of calming the self down: alcohol.
If you are experienced, you can drink before you even leave for the airport. After sipping on some rum, the weird conversation with your Uber driver about his fringe religious views will become nothing more than a figment of a memory. You will look back on it questioning whether or not it was real. When you arrive at the airport, you need to begin to focus. It’s game time. Take a moment to escort yourself to the outdoor smoking section, chuff down a cigarette as fast as possible, and make your way inside. There, you check your baggage at, say, the Alaskan Airlines counter. Waiting in line, you will have to watch your posture like a hawk. You can’t be caught swaying to and fro with your bags swinging like a wrecking ball under a failing crane. You must stand up straight, and chew on a piece of gum to hide the kiss of alcohol and smoke on your breath.
Imagine yourself as a diplomat so as to not expose your inebriated state. “Hello, I am a valued customer and I am flying to Portland, Oregon. I am hoping we could arrange for a single checked bag. And maybe perhaps a breakfast sandwich and a gallon of Gatorade delivered to my seat? That can’t happen? The checked bag will do just fine.”
One more component of a stress free travel experience is complete. Next is security. This part is tough, because you have to take your shoes off. You wrangle with your shoes, struggling to stay upright. The TSA agents may begin interrogating you, and you'll stand there in a daze of tunnel vision looking at their lips move but not registering a word they’re saying. You’ve been caught, they know you are in no condition to travel. Wait, hold on, nope they’re just telling you to take your computer out of your bag. Crisis averted. You make it through, maybe grab a coffee or another drink at one of the restaurant bars, then find your gate. Fight the urge for a drunken nap before finally hearing your boarding group called, and then shuffling down the aisle into your seat.
Congratulations, you have made it to your destination stress free. Yes, you are burdened by headaches, confusion, and nausea but all the nerves of your trip are now a sliver of your imagination. If this sounds like your usual travel experience or you are reading this as a pilot, check out the instructional piece “The Friendly Guide to Sobriety.”
